Endometriosis and doctor rant

Endometriosis sucks.

Chronic pain sucks.

I am the wuss of the family.

I have family members with 5th degree belts -fighting and teaching. I have family members with broken backs that have been fused, and re broken- someone that wasn't supposed to walk. They refuse a second surgery, and don't take pain meds for it. I have family with lupus that went into remission. All immediate family.

And here I am pouring out my wussy misery. Wishing I could overcome my pain barrier and live a full life. I was told my chronic pain was all in my head. I pushed for the laparoscopy from my OB/GYN. They found endo, adhesions longer than my finver and polyps. Benign thank goodness. Now after only a week and a half of sweet relief, two months later- I am in enough pain that i can't even sit up long enough to watch a movie at the theater, I can't vacuum (not that I miss vacuuming, I just like a clean house...lol), I can't exert myself. I have to lay down all the time.

This frustrates me on many levels.

I used to walk faster than most people jog. I am used to a fast paced catwalk stride, not to the invisibly fettered small- stepped shuffle I now use.

I am used to filling my day with crafting glass, chainmaille, screenprinting, clayworking- anything to get my hands on and into to release the energy i have.

No more; I am lucky to be able to walk down the street to the mailbox and back. To do daily mundane tasks, like a load of laundry or taking the clean dishes out of the dishwasher. To make it through the doctor's visit without embarrassing myself because of the pain.

My confidence in my self and in my practitioners is dwindling as my pain increases again. I don't want to live my life laying down to curb the pain. I want to be able to do what I did before; I want to live life to the fullest and be happy.

My doctors say i shouldnt have any more pain because they got it all. If I am still in this much pain, I wonder. Especially after them saying there was nothing wrong in the first place and it was all in my head, and then they found all that during surgery. How do you trust them after that?

My specialist says I may be on pain pills forever. WHAT? I think not. I don't like pain pills. I react differently than most people do to medications, and pain pills are no different. And I don't want to risk becoming addicted either. The whole point is to get me back to where I can handle things. Back to me.

Now they want to put me on Lupron and basically put me into menopause at 33 years of age. I am desperate to be pain free, but I worry at what cost? I have never had luck with birth control pills- the mood swings from them killed a relationship I had. I went from laid back to witch from hades, with almost all the different brands too. So this lends to my qualms about taking this Lupron. And then, if it doesn't work? Makes me worse?

My head spins with worry about my family and bills while I am on TDI. I can't live like this. I refuse to accept this as my lot in life. I WILL be able to do the things I love and miss. I WILL be able to go out with friends and family. I WILL get my life back. Somehow. I WILL NOT CRY.

To anyone else out there with chronic pain or endometriosis or both. There is hope. With a GOOD doctor, and with support. I have scoured the internet to supplement what my doctor didn't tell me. Armed with this, I hope the specialist I just started seeing will prove agressive, empathetic, and, well a good doctor. If not, back to the drawing board and an online search to find someone that IS.
NEVER give up.